Travel G-spots

MY TRAVEL DIARY: Travel Toilet Nightmare

says who i am obsessed with toilets?

Am not. Well, mebbe am. A little. OK. I can spot a KOHL a mile away. But that’s not being obsessed with toilets. That’s having good taste. Being architecturally in tune.

And… oh. { embarrassed }

yes, I have devised and implemented a toilet rating system; 1 being the worst and 5 being the best. Criteria laid out are somewhat similar to those you’d find in a Best Western or the RACV Hotels, Motels and B&B Guidebook. Everyone that travels with me are given a thorough induction. Those I dine with sails through a 5 minute briefing. Only because I can narrow it down to type of establishments.

But, what’s a girl to do, really?

Choices are often limited and challenging.

In a half squat for the seated versions, my thighs goes through a test of lactic acid endurance. My mind is forced to focus on not falling over or standing up!

In the full squat, my knee buckles 3 out of 10 times. I AM literally 2 feet away. 3 out of 5 of my senses are 2 feet away from my deposits. And many others before me.

As for the hole in the ground… I haven’t a clue. But what’s guaranteed here is: a bush is always less than 50 metres away.

The trench. Only seen in China. And I never formed an opinion. How could I? When traveling for 14 hours on a rickety bus on extremely bumpy terrains, I am gleefully delighted at the sight of the ‘trench’.

With desperation, I mentally shut down. I peep only to strategically place my feet. I eliminate the need to process any unnecessary images. I hear only my inner voice commanding the thigh muscles or the knee. And I can hold my breath for a long time; just not when I am immerse voluntarily in a tank of water.

When traveling, I pre-plan food and water intake. I go regularly. uh huh – contrary to thought. It is a BAD idea to hold it in. An overloaded bladder fails to function – with trickles that stops frequently … the thigh muscles screams for mercy! And lastly, I always remember antibiotics.

So, I am pretty covered. ‘Pretty’ coz I am yet to figure out the kangaroo challenge.

{ beetroot embarrassed }

See, faced with the hole in the ground, I once headed for the bush. With little light at dawn …

anyway, the point is: for a nanosecond I actually felt remorse for jolting them with a warm spray. As they hopped their way up the hill, I ran for my life – tripping over the little piece of garment around my ankles … I mean, who feels any remorse by then? And as I reached for safety, I felt a great BIG S-M-A-C-K !!!

uh HUH, I am probably the only girl you’ll ever know who has had her bare bottoms spanked by a kangaroo (tail) …

  1. The visit to the doctor was interesting, to say the least.
  2. Always wore long PJ pants thereafter.
  3. Never used the hole in the ground or the bush ever.
  4. Hunts for pie shops at every Australian bush or outback town …


And so, NOW, you can sympathize with my toilet obsession.



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This entry was posted on July 7, 2013 by in My Musing and tagged , , , , , , , .
July 2013
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